it has come to this
i was at a friend’s wedding recently, whom i used to be very close to. He was one of the buddies. Buddies were *notice the past tense* a group of 11 of us who always stayed close together and always hung out together. You usually have this sorta group of friends who are normally gals or guys, ours was unique, it was mixed both in culture, color and sex!
I would never forget the days when buddies were around, todate, it shall always remain the finer times of my young adult days. They were there when i had my first breakup, my first proper job, my first hair straightening, oh yes… my eating disorder.
Let’s just say, that NOT always you have happy ending. we parted ways when "something" happened some good almost 5 years ago in April Fool’s day. But despite it being a long time ago, no one came forward to explain or apologise.. anyway that is an old story.
At the wedding, there i was seated with 3 of my gal friends who were once buddies too and we are still close as we used to be. I was thinking and also hoping that maybe we all (buddies) would have been seated together *oh well who knows for old times sake* I was so wrong. 2 buddies were seated at a separate table, and the guys, 2 of them were seated at another table. 8 buddies were present there that day. 1 was in australia for work, 1 was honeymooning *i did not even know he was getting married, sigh* i asked myself, we all could have been seated together… but why separately? It intrigued me, till today.
when i was there, watching him get married, telling his wife how much he loved her *ahh chin geh?!!! was my expression, saying all this lovey dovey things*, somehow, the wedding did not feel personal to me. Why? why did i not have this awww feeling when it was my best friend *once upon a time* getting married? What happened?
Then it hit me! "Kajai, he is a big boy now. he does not need you. he has his own life and he will be starting his own family soon. what do you expect from him?" Nothing! was my alarming question, despite deep down inside i know what i want.
i want to have been the one planning his wedding, being one of those who kept awake the whole day prior to the wedding getting everything for my friend, the one who helped him plan his honeymoon, oh god! so much i could have done.. could have.. those two words lingered.
sigh, it has come to this. To this, where my best friend was getting married and all i can do was go for the wedding as a guest, give angpow, and leave. Not waiting for all the guests to leave, not doing what i am known to be good at, which is PR, not doing so much of things..
sigh it has come to this…
