Me, Watashiwa, Ya

Am I fat? This is a very sensitive matter to discuss to many, and to my friends they will remember days when I was REALLY thin.. but I was then.. SICK! Sorry guys nightmare begins again.

I was recently commented in a party, that I was Fat and that i need to loose some weight. I am well aware of the fact that I have put on some weight in the past 5 years ( i was a scary 45kgs) and honestly, I am not too sure if i looked good then, but yes i WAS thinner.

I KNOW i am overweight, I know that i need to loose some pounds, the tummy, the lovehandles, the flabs under my arm, the cellulites that’s been growing on me like weeds unknowingly on my thighs and ahem.. The bum! yes, it is not a fact that i don’t know until i need someone to point it out to me, but when someone actually says "You are fat! You need to loose weight" and in front of people, you tell yourself "yeah, i am fat and that hurts when people tell me on my face"

You know what I did when i heard that? i cried.. why? cause..

- if had affected me so much in the past that i end up doing what i don wanna do.. and if it happens again.. i will NOT eat, I will throw up every time i DO eat.. i will be sick, i will be this person i promised people i love in my life i wont do. Don be upset guys, but it is not my fault! You will feel it when people do this to you.

Yeah do it healthily you may say, you know it takes forever? It takes a long time to get over the weight.. yeah control your food.. but hello living in Malaysia.. let’s be practical shall we?

So what do I do? I do it my way. I keep track of what i eat, and i ensure i don eat or nothing much. Eg eh? Well like Tuesday, cereals the morning (healthy), fruits for lunch (healthy again) nothing for dinner. (yay starvation rules!)

Yes, it is a scary thought. But you know what, it is a sure fire wayto loose those pounds and save tonnes of money. you kill 2 birds in one stone. for those of you who do not know me that well, this is a confession of a bullimic and an anorexic gal who has been through it all. TRUST ME!

You meet people you have not met in months and years, and the first thing you hear is "hey you put on weight ah" *including that unmissable body gesture showing you are fat*. Though you smile and shake it off, deep inside you, there is hurt. No, stop denying. I feel that way when people tell me that. Why cant they phrase it as "You look so much better now, please maintain. This is the look for you", if their initial intention is NOT TO HURT YOU.

Truth is, people say these things cause they want you to feel hurt at times, i think. They say it to make themselves feel better maybe *ooh she is soo much fatter than i am.. * * oohh look she finally put on weight and looks so fat. She deserves it!*

They think "maybe she dono", but hello.. do you think we are blind and stupid? We have mirrors that show how we look, and our clothes don fit the way they used to. So piss off!

No matter what i say, the underlying truth is, YES I KNOW I AM FAT! and i am not happy nor proud of it. I have always been skinny in my life till lately, and i am changing it.

Why? Why bother, you ask?

Cause i cannot have people telling me stuff like that. I dont want it to affect me, but i cant help it. And i wanna prove a point. I can be thin, and i will not look good.

This entry is to tell many people that if i don eat when i come to your house for a party, when you ask me out for dinner, when we go mamak, or lunch or attend parties together, don blame me. Don talk me out of it. Please don even try. I need to lose that almost 15 kgs that i have put on since my 45kg days, and it hurts to know that people think that i am fat.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 9th, 2007 at 3:35 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.