Fights and Funeral
Yes the title says it all, my dear aunt, whom we fondly call “Thaddi kunya” (plump aunty) passed away after a series of heart attack yesterday at the UKM hospital in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. She was 50+.She left behind my cousins, Amy, 29, Yaso, 24, and Yogan, 22. She will be missed terribly. I used to cycle to her house almost everyday to hang out with her kids and buy stuff (she lives one km away from my granny house and that is the only place nearest with a supemarket at that time, about 20 years ago). She was a vegetarian and a strong devotee of Lord Muruga, with whom she resides peacefully now. Situations did not allow me to go visit her and pay my last respect. However, while she had machines of unknown names connected to her keeping her alive, i saw her.. on the bed, with tubes going through her mouth, into her veins.. a painful picture to paint. One day before she gave up the fight.
I am still saddened by the whole incident, as i am still unable to accept the fact that in the past 5 years, I had only seen Deepavali in my family once! My niece has only known the meaning once.. Don get me wrong. I am not concerned with the celebrations, it is the fact that someone passes away in my family almost every year.
It has been a while since we heard the wedding “nathaswarams” in my family. Been a while since we congratulated someone on their engagement, and it will be awhile since we hear the firecrackers for Deepavali.
Sigh.. sometimes being in a big family it is all fun and laughter when you have almost 100 people in the family having a get together and a good laugh, but when at times like this, u wish you were not born in such surroundings.. the pain is too much to take. year in year out.
Last year, i lost my grandma.. my dear dear grandma.. she was like my own mother..no, i refuse to talk about her.. i don want the pain to come again..the year before that, was the deepavali i saw. But the year before that, was my uncle, and before that my step grandma.. tell me how many families go through this every year? If you do, please tell me .. i wanna know how they handle it.
And to make things worse, especially when I planned tying the knot somewhere.. i had a fight with someone i would rather not have it with.. We will be okay.. don worry.. but right now.. my heart cant handle all this at the same time..
Will be leaving the office early (yes, i had to work, i had a presentation to a client tomorrow), have a good rest - hopefully- and rest my mind.. Am not good at handling depression..
